Gender apathetic

I was looking up gender terms to help me prepare my most recent service [“God/dess (They/Them/Their”)]. In this process, I came across the term “gender apathy” and “gender apathetic”. At first the term amused me, until I read the definition and realized that it describes me pretty well. The definition of “gender apathetic” to “have no strong connection to or interest in a particular gender identity, including their own. This indifference means they may not care how they are perceived by others and are often okay with any pronouns, including their birth-assigned ones, gender-neutral ones, or others.”

The nonbinary flag (yellow, white, purple, black) is up front with me at First Church Unitarian in Littleton, Massachusetts for the Closing Words on November 9, 2025.

Yeah, that’s kind of who I am. However.

In this time, it doesn’t feel right (for me personally, not talking about others) to settle on gender apathy or a “no labels” stance. I say this even though I think the “end game” of the LGBTQ+ civil rights movement is a world without labels — or a world where they just don’t matter much. That is, Utopia would be pretty gender apathetic, in my mind!

But I am genderqueer. This is a realization that has been solidifying for me for at least five years now, I think more. And I consider myself to be under the nonbinary umbrella (which many place under the transgender umbrella). I feel like, in these times of scapegoating the LGBTQ+ community — particularly trans and nonbinary folx — I want to name it. And I do believe that “she/they” pronouns are right for me. You can use “she/her/hers” or “they/their/theirs” for me.

Snowmageddon?

It looks like there’s going to be a snowstorm in these parts starting Saturday night and going into Sunday morning. It’s hard to tell how many inches it will be, or if it will be a “wintry mix”. Before Covid and the beginning of “Zoom worship” as a thing, you’d wait until Sunday morning to see what actually happened. But now, with the possibility of Zoom worship, you want to make the call during the day Saturday so that the worship leaders can make the shifts they need to to have worship online-only. So the lay leaders and I will make the call tomorrow (Saturday) morning based on weather forecasts rather than the actual weather reality of Sunday.

The problem is, I find that weather forecasts try to make the storm sound as exciting as possible — like a snowmageddon or snowpocalypse is upon us. It’s better for ratings. So it’s hard not to be skeptical.

My gut feeling is that it won’t be that much snow, but the timing is terrible. We shall see.

Hello, 2025

Wow, I really left my five readers hanging after that last post!! Here’s my sermon describing my trip:

Okay, now we’re caught up. Okay, not really. But if you want to see any of the services I’ve led in recent times, you can always find them at this link.

Horrifically, the United States elected a fascist in November, and here in January it’s already getting scary. I will not mince words, not in the face of fascism. I hope I will be here more often, calling it what it is. And sometimes making posts that are about completely unrelated things, just to keep sane. Because we have to embrace joy as an act of resistance in these times.

Inspired by Thich Nhat Hanh

The past years have produced a shift in me, spiritually. For years, I have studied Vedanta and Taoism. I continue to be very moved and inspired by the wisdom found in these traditions.

A few years ago, in 2017, I loved to Lowell, Massachusetts. Lowell has the second-largest Cambodian immigrant population in the United States. I have attended some local Buddhist services with the Cambodian community when I have been able (sometimes challenging due to my duties as a parish minister and the timing of that). Through these experiences, I have been feeling myself pulled increasingly toward Buddhism. Cambodian Buddhism is in the Theravada school, but in part because of my years of being drawn to Vedanta and Taoism, I find myself personally drawn to Chan or Zen Buddhism.

This year, I began to offer a weekly meditation practice group with my parishioners that we call the Loving-Kindness Sangha Meditation Practice Group (normally we meet on Thursday afternoon at 2 p.m., online during the pandemic). Typically, we meditate in the style of Insight Mediation or Vipassana.

I have often found myself listening to the online meditations given by Thich Nhat Hanh, as so many are available through the Plum Village website and on YouTube. Sometimes I have shared his meditations with my group. I have found myself more and more drawn to the practices of the Order of Interbeing that Thay founded, which I have learned about since Thay’s passing in January.

This past Sunday, I led a worship service in honor and remembrance of Thich Nhat Hanh. It was done in the Unitarian Universalist style/tradition. In the process of preparing for that, I realized that I have quoted Thich Nhat Hanh in my sermons over the years more than any other person; the only sources I have quoted more often are scriptures of various world religions.

I am finding myself wanting to take refuge in the three jewels and getting deeper into Buddhist practice. It feels like a calling unto itself. I am a member of the Unitarian Universalist Buddhist Fellowship, and want to be more actively involved there. But I also want to be involved with the Order of Interbeing. I am excited for what delving into the practice might bring.

Here is the Sunday service remembering Thich Nhat Hanh:

Thoughts on the Insurrection

This Sunday, my homily title was “Imagine a More Perfect Union”. I began to gather my thoughts about what happened at the Capitol on January 6, 2021. If you want to listen to my homily, it is here on YouTube (it starts at 24:27):

Click on the arrow above to watch the video of the entire service, or go to 24:27 for the homily.

We are not out of the woods yet. One of my colleagues noted that the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when you try to leave it. That’s how this feels to me. We are trying to leave an abusive relationship with our would-be-dictator, and therefore our very safety is threatened. I am quite concerned about events which more reactionary insurrectionists are apparently planning for next week and the Inauguration. Some fear another attempted coup, and it’s (tragically) hard to rule that out.

We are indeed responsible for what happens next. I pray that democracy prevails.

Catching up to 2021

The annus horribilis 2020 has finally ended. May 2021 be better! So far, with the election of Rev. Raphael Warnock, it’s looking up!

Meanwhile, First Church Unitarian had its (virtual) year-end services, the Christmas Eve Candlelight Service and Potpourri Sunday. This past Sunday we had our traditional year-starter, the Remembrance Service. The rest of January will follow the Soul Matters theme of imagination. I’m looking forward to it!

I must recommend to you this incredible vocal performance by the 4-year-old daughter of our Music Director. It’s one minute and 8 seconds of time incredibly well spent, so do yourself a favor and listen! Video:

Hanukkah Light

The very hanukkia I acquired in 1993, at FCU this morning.

I know Hanukkah is considered to be a minor Jewish holiday, but I have always thought it was a lovely holiday in so many ways. Today I attempted to share one small part of my appreciation for the holiday (you can watch the service here.) I bought a menorah (or hanukkia) for the Hanukkah of 1993, my last year in the US Navy. I can’t even remember what motivated me to do it. I was in the process of applying to seminary that year, so maybe the study of world religions was on my mind. I have lit the menorah for Hanukkah ever since, trying to be as respectful as I can. I am not Jewish, so it’s certainly not the same experience as it would be for a Jew. But I do feel closer to the Divine when I do it, and I feel solidarity with my Jewish siblings when I do it. I hope that that’s a sign that my practice is for the good.