Gender apathetic

I was looking up gender terms to help me prepare my most recent service [“God/dess (They/Them/Their”)]. In this process, I came across the term “gender apathy” and “gender apathetic”. At first the term amused me, until I read the definition and realized that it describes me pretty well. The definition of “gender apathetic” to “have no strong connection to or interest in a particular gender identity, including their own. This indifference means they may not care how they are perceived by others and are often okay with any pronouns, including their birth-assigned ones, gender-neutral ones, or others.”

The nonbinary flag (yellow, white, purple, black) is up front with me at First Church Unitarian in Littleton, Massachusetts for the Closing Words on November 9, 2025.

Yeah, that’s kind of who I am. However.

In this time, it doesn’t feel right (for me personally, not talking about others) to settle on gender apathy or a “no labels” stance. I say this even though I think the “end game” of the LGBTQ+ civil rights movement is a world without labels — or a world where they just don’t matter much. That is, Utopia would be pretty gender apathetic, in my mind!

But I am genderqueer. This is a realization that has been solidifying for me for at least five years now, I think more. And I consider myself to be under the nonbinary umbrella (which many place under the transgender umbrella). I feel like, in these times of scapegoating the LGBTQ+ community — particularly trans and nonbinary folx — I want to name it. And I do believe that “she/they” pronouns are right for me. You can use “she/her/hers” or “they/their/theirs” for me.

Busy, busy…

Usually July is a “study leave” month for UU ministers. This has been the busiest July in all my years as a parish minister! There’s just so much going on. Luckily, I love my calling. Right now I am in Pennsylvania, visiting family. It is good to get a break.

What a bizarre time we are in in the United States. That’s an understatement, I know. This whole Epstein files situation is so curious to me. I’m glad that people are taking it as seriously as it deserves to be taken. The part that I’m having more trouble comprehending is how anyone didn’t know that Tr*mp would be implicated. Haven’t we always known that he was close with Epstein and was grossly inappropriate with women, including underage females? In any case, I’m glad that more people are seeing at least that much light now. Is this, finally, the decency around which we can form something like consensus? It’s good to know there is some limit to the madness that is MAGA.

That’s one thing I’ve been pondering recently.

I’m also wondering if summer will ever feel good again. I mean, there are entirely too many 90-plus-degree days, too many heatwaves. It’s too dangerously hot all too often. I’m glad I get some time off in the summer, but the extreme heat makes it hard to make the most of many of the days, I’m afraid. If it’s 90 degrees and I have the option to be inside in AC all day, that’s what I’m going to do. But that’s not the best way to spend time off, and it makes me sad. It’s also the only time of year that I can travel (other than sabbatical), so that’s a bummer too. I’m afraid that this is just the new normal thanks to climate change.

I’ll leave it there for now. I just wanted a blog check-in for the month, in case anyone is reading!

Snowmageddon?

It looks like there’s going to be a snowstorm in these parts starting Saturday night and going into Sunday morning. It’s hard to tell how many inches it will be, or if it will be a “wintry mix”. Before Covid and the beginning of “Zoom worship” as a thing, you’d wait until Sunday morning to see what actually happened. But now, with the possibility of Zoom worship, you want to make the call during the day Saturday so that the worship leaders can make the shifts they need to to have worship online-only. So the lay leaders and I will make the call tomorrow (Saturday) morning based on weather forecasts rather than the actual weather reality of Sunday.

The problem is, I find that weather forecasts try to make the storm sound as exciting as possible — like a snowmageddon or snowpocalypse is upon us. It’s better for ratings. So it’s hard not to be skeptical.

My gut feeling is that it won’t be that much snow, but the timing is terrible. We shall see.

Hello, 2025

Wow, I really left my five readers hanging after that last post!! Here’s my sermon describing my trip:

Okay, now we’re caught up. Okay, not really. But if you want to see any of the services I’ve led in recent times, you can always find them at this link.

Horrifically, the United States elected a fascist in November, and here in January it’s already getting scary. I will not mince words, not in the face of fascism. I hope I will be here more often, calling it what it is. And sometimes making posts that are about completely unrelated things, just to keep sane. Because we have to embrace joy as an act of resistance in these times.

Folk Festival at FCU Littleton!

I’m starting to get really excited for the upcoming FCU Folk Festival ’23! It will be on Saturday, November 11 at 7:30 p.m. (doors open at 7 p.m.). Location/parking information is here.

The headlining artist is award-winning folk-blues-soul act The Sugarsnap Trio. They’re a super talented young group, and I can’t wait to hear them live!

There are two warm-up acts as well. Boston-based singer-songwriter Sarah Levecque will perform a brief set as will FCU’s own Patti Sardella (with friends Laura Pailler adding vocals, Kristine Tomlinson on electronic bagpipes, and Lara Hoke — that’s lil’ ol’ me– on bass).

There will be a brief intermission with refreshments.

A suggested donation is $30 per person or $35 per family, but any donation in any amount is appreciated, and no one will be turned away.

Inspired by Thich Nhat Hanh

The past years have produced a shift in me, spiritually. For years, I have studied Vedanta and Taoism. I continue to be very moved and inspired by the wisdom found in these traditions.

A few years ago, in 2017, I loved to Lowell, Massachusetts. Lowell has the second-largest Cambodian immigrant population in the United States. I have attended some local Buddhist services with the Cambodian community when I have been able (sometimes challenging due to my duties as a parish minister and the timing of that). Through these experiences, I have been feeling myself pulled increasingly toward Buddhism. Cambodian Buddhism is in the Theravada school, but in part because of my years of being drawn to Vedanta and Taoism, I find myself personally drawn to Chan or Zen Buddhism.

This year, I began to offer a weekly meditation practice group with my parishioners that we call the Loving-Kindness Sangha Meditation Practice Group (normally we meet on Thursday afternoon at 2 p.m., online during the pandemic). Typically, we meditate in the style of Insight Mediation or Vipassana.

I have often found myself listening to the online meditations given by Thich Nhat Hanh, as so many are available through the Plum Village website and on YouTube. Sometimes I have shared his meditations with my group. I have found myself more and more drawn to the practices of the Order of Interbeing that Thay founded, which I have learned about since Thay’s passing in January.

This past Sunday, I led a worship service in honor and remembrance of Thich Nhat Hanh. It was done in the Unitarian Universalist style/tradition. In the process of preparing for that, I realized that I have quoted Thich Nhat Hanh in my sermons over the years more than any other person; the only sources I have quoted more often are scriptures of various world religions.

I am finding myself wanting to take refuge in the three jewels and getting deeper into Buddhist practice. It feels like a calling unto itself. I am a member of the Unitarian Universalist Buddhist Fellowship, and want to be more actively involved there. But I also want to be involved with the Order of Interbeing. I am excited for what delving into the practice might bring.

Here is the Sunday service remembering Thich Nhat Hanh:

My sister in ministry, around the corner…

Long time, loooooong time, no blog post. Covid-19 has meant that I spend far too much time online. I think in part because of that, I’ve had essentially no desire to blog. But I’m going to try to get back into it, because … there’s a lot to share!

Photo title: “It’s not polite to point”. (Rev. Lara Hoke points at Rev. Jen Munroe-Nathans during the charge.)

One of the nicest things that has happened during the pandemic, for me personally, is that an old friend is now the minister at the church around the corner, the Congregational Church of Littleton (CCOL). Once upon a time, CCOL and First Church Unitarian (FCU) were the same Town Church, established in 1714. In the 1830s and 1840s, we had that trinitarian/unitarian split and became two separate congregations. But with my old friend (Pastor Jen Munroe-Nathans) now around the corner, I hope we can join together more and more!

Yesterday, I had the honor of delivering the Charge to the Minister and the Charge to the Congregation in Pastor Jen’s installation. If you want to watch the service, here it is:

It was a lovely and inspiring service. (My piece, for my mother, who will want to start there, is here.)

I so look forward to more and more “good trouble” with my old friend, and our congregations.

My grandfather was in fact an ordained German Reform minister (Rev. Dr. Elmer R. Hoke), which is part of the United Church of Christ, like CCOL. So that’s kind of cool, too.

Fun outdoors and in-person!

One of the biggest treats in this year of Covid-19 has been occasional outdoor, in-person events with some of the church’s kids (from our Religious Education “RE” Program). It’s just simple joy to be outside with other people, having fun. Our RE Program has been led by volunteers this year (following the retirement of our Director of Religious Education or “DRE”), and they’ve done an incredible job.

After the RE lesson, we all walked from the church over to Fay Park and played a few games. One of them was “Strike a Pose”, or “Freeze Frame”. Here’s one picture from when I joined in with the kids.

Rev. Lara Hoke with some of the RE kids, freezing a pose at the sound of the bell.

Later on, we played a spontaneous game of “monkey in the middle”. The kids loved it when I was the monkey.

I can’t thank our RE Committee enough for the leadership and creativity they’ve shown this year!

Greater Lowell Interfaith event

Yesterday I had the pleasure of being involved in the Greater Lowell Interfaith Leadership Alliance (GLILA)’s Annual Spring Gathering for Peace. [I live in downtown Lowell, so I participate in GLILA. I also participate in the Greater Littleton Interfaith Council (GLIC).]

Here’s a video from yesterday’s virtual interfaith event of GLILA. If you watch on YouTube, click on “show more” in the description for blue time stamps that will take you to any particular part of the event.

Remembering those lost to COVID-19

To set the tone for the inauguration tomorrow, President-elect Biden led a memorial to remember and honor lives lost to COVID-19. He asked for churches to turn on their lights and ring their bells on Tuesday, January 19 at 5:30 p.m.

First Church Unitarian participated. You can watch the video above (just click on the arrow in the image). Sexton Henry Whitcomb, Jr. rang the bells (16:06). After the bells rang, I said the names of loved ones (18:17) that members and friends of FCU have lost to COVID-19 : Bud Hunt * Fernando Torres * Jean Champagne * David Friedman * Gail Whittle * Barbara Fleming * Meredith Price * Peter Overby * Yolanda Bartlett * Barbara Anthony * Reed Anthony * I then concluded with a prayer.