Author: Rev. Lara Hoke

Unitarian Universalist minister

Gender apathetic

I was looking up gender terms to help me prepare my most recent service [“God/dess (They/Them/Their”)]. In this process, I came across the term “gender apathy” and “gender apathetic”. At first the term amused me, until I read the definition and realized that it describes me pretty well. The definition of “gender apathetic” to “have no strong connection to or interest in a particular gender identity, including their own. This indifference means they may not care how they are perceived by others and are often okay with any pronouns, including their birth-assigned ones, gender-neutral ones, or others.”

The nonbinary flag (yellow, white, purple, black) is up front with me at First Church Unitarian in Littleton, Massachusetts for the Closing Words on November 9, 2025.

Yeah, that’s kind of who I am. However.

In this time, it doesn’t feel right (for me personally, not talking about others) to settle on gender apathy or a “no labels” stance. I say this even though I think the “end game” of the LGBTQ+ civil rights movement is a world without labels — or a world where they just don’t matter much. That is, Utopia would be pretty gender apathetic, in my mind!

But I am genderqueer. This is a realization that has been solidifying for me for at least five years now, I think more. And I consider myself to be under the nonbinary umbrella (which many place under the transgender umbrella). I feel like, in these times of scapegoating the LGBTQ+ community — particularly trans and nonbinary folx — I want to name it. And I do believe that “she/they” pronouns are right for me. You can use “she/her/hers” or “they/their/theirs” for me.

Murder is not okay

It’s 9/11 today, and yet it has — for the first time — been overshadowed by new horror. Yesterday, in addition to the tragic shooting at Evergreen High School in Colorado, Charlie Kirk was murdered/assassinated in Utah.

I do understand why people on the left hate everything that Kirk stood for; I do too. I never paid much attention to him until yesterday, to be honest. But the more I read about his homophobic, transphobic, racist, etc. views, the more appalled I am.

“Christ breaks the rifle” by Otto Pankok.

However, it is never okay to murder someone. It’s just not. I find it strange that I have had to argue that point today. Political violence is chilling, and it’s the last thing the nation needs. Not to mention, it just makes a martyr of Kirk, in spite of his horrific views. So it’s both immoral and a bad tactic.

I feel horrible for Kirk’s wife and kids. And I’m sorry he didn’t get to live out his natural life. As a minister, I can’t help but believe that people can change, and Kirk might have redeemed himself one day. You never know. But again, either way, murder is wrong.

It seems obvious to me that this nation needs gun reform. It won’t be perfect, but it can only help. No other nation seems to have our issues with gun violence. What are people so afraid of? It’s common sense. It might not have made a difference in the case of Charlie Kirk, I don’t know. But it would have helped in some of the school shootings, and it’s hard to think of anything worse than not protecting our own children.

Busy, busy…

Usually July is a “study leave” month for UU ministers. This has been the busiest July in all my years as a parish minister! There’s just so much going on. Luckily, I love my calling. Right now I am in Pennsylvania, visiting family. It is good to get a break.

What a bizarre time we are in in the United States. That’s an understatement, I know. This whole Epstein files situation is so curious to me. I’m glad that people are taking it as seriously as it deserves to be taken. The part that I’m having more trouble comprehending is how anyone didn’t know that Tr*mp would be implicated. Haven’t we always known that he was close with Epstein and was grossly inappropriate with women, including underage females? In any case, I’m glad that more people are seeing at least that much light now. Is this, finally, the decency around which we can form something like consensus? It’s good to know there is some limit to the madness that is MAGA.

That’s one thing I’ve been pondering recently.

I’m also wondering if summer will ever feel good again. I mean, there are entirely too many 90-plus-degree days, too many heatwaves. It’s too dangerously hot all too often. I’m glad I get some time off in the summer, but the extreme heat makes it hard to make the most of many of the days, I’m afraid. If it’s 90 degrees and I have the option to be inside in AC all day, that’s what I’m going to do. But that’s not the best way to spend time off, and it makes me sad. It’s also the only time of year that I can travel (other than sabbatical), so that’s a bummer too. I’m afraid that this is just the new normal thanks to climate change.

I’ll leave it there for now. I just wanted a blog check-in for the month, in case anyone is reading!

ICE is the new Gestapo…

No, I didn’t invent this concept that “ICE is the new Gestapo”, but it sure rings true.

One of the more outrageous local ICE arrests/abductions/kidnappings was of Marcelo Gomes da Silva, a high school honor student, athlete, and band member who was arrested/abducted/kidnapped by ICE on his way to volleyball this past Saturday. ICE abducted him and detained him from Saturday through this week. Marcelo committed no crimes and has never been in any trouble with the police, either. He was what they call “collateral damage” as they were actually targeting someone else. Marcelo was born in Brazil but has been growing up in Milford, MA, since he was 7.

Local activists organized a rally outside the Chelmsford Immigration Court today. Even though it was thrown together in just a couple of days, and even though it was 90 degrees, there was an excellent turnout. After we’d been there for about half an hour, we got the excellent news that Marcelo was released on bond!

The story was covered by various news outlets. Below is the coverage by local Boston NBC (channel 10 news). It’s worth watching mainly to hear Marcelo’s own words. To my surprise, I flashed in the footage a couple of times. Must be the collar.

‘Nobody should be in here’: Milford High School student detained by ICE is released on bond

Here are a couple of screen shots of me in the crowd:

Rev. Lara Hoke in the crowd at the rally to FREE MARCELO!

I’m so glad that Marcelo is free, and hope and pray that it stays that way. I can’t imagine going through something like that when you’re just a kid. This country needs to do better and live into our promise. When did we forget that this is a nation of immigrants? Immigrants make America great. I believe it with all my heart.

New me, new you(SA)?

I’ve been thinking about these changes for a long time… I’ve been wanting to get my hair cut short. I’ve had it short a few times in my life, but it’s been a while. And I’ve wanted to wear contact lenses again. Finally, I just did it. Here’s “the new me”.

The “new” Rev. Lara Hoke

But more importantly, I’ve been getting more involved in ways to stop some of the evil of this Administration, particularly the arresting (kidnapping!) of immigrants without due process. I’ve been going to all the rallies I can. More importantly, I’m getting training from LUCE so I can really be more helpful and engaged. There are so many good people doing good things. The evil of this Administration cannot stand.

It’s not that I wasn’t doing anything before, mind you. But I’m upping my game. New me, new USA.

lgbTqia+ Solidarity

The Unitarian Universalist Association recently put out a strong statement of solidarity with the trans and nonbinary community.

It’s almost unbelievable to me that the T**** Administration is trying to push the fiction that there are just two genders when there aren’t even just two sexes. It’s willful ignorance, as usual.

I should have posted here on the Transgender Day of Visibility (TDOV), March 31. I’ll share the words now that I shared on Facebook that day: I still use she/her pronouns, but I fall under the broad trans umbrella as a genderqueer person. I’m on the “she” side of “they”. I recently heard the term “theydy” (they+lady), and that kinda works. I also relate to “demi-woman”. Nothing has really changed; I’ve always been this way. It’s only in recent times that I learned terms that describe where I am on the gender spectrum.

Anyone who knows me well really already knew this about me. But in these times, it feels important to name it.

Continuing to learn Español

I could continue to post about the horrors in the United States of 2025 under the Trump Administration. It’s just never-ending. I’m happy and proud to say that parishioners of my congregation are doing a great job of defending democracy, which is a Unitarian Universalist value. We’ll be marching in Boston on April 5. But for now… I want to talk about my journey of trying to learn Spanish (Español).

I’ve been trying to learn Spanish for some time now, especially since about 2010 or so. (I learned a tiny bit before visiting Barcelona back in 2000, but I also tried to learn the basics of Catalan, so I didn’t get very far in either!) The last congregation I served (UU Congregation of Andover) was right next to Lawrence, Massachusetts and lots of Spanish speakers. In 2013 I went to a two week Spanish immersion course in Mexico. I’ve worked with Rosetta Stone, both Latin American Spanish and Castilian Spanish (Spain’s version). I know enough to follow kids shows in Spanish, and I can communicate a bit as long as everyone speaks slowly.

You’d think I’d learn it faster. After all, I took four years of Latin in high school. And I lived in Italy for three years, with Italian having a fair amount of crossover.

I’m trying again to dive into learning Español. Part of it is, I’m thinking waaaaaay ahead to my next sabbatical, and I can imagine visiting a Spanish-speaking country. (Lots of different options are running through my mind.) I’m back to Rosetta Stone, but also taking advantage of all the Spanish language offerings on TV and streaming services and YouTube. There are so many chances to immerse yourself now!

Part of my motivation? It’s kind of silly, in a way. I’ve been doing lots of family tree stuff lately. I am mostly Scottish and German, with a fair amount of other UK stuff (British, a little Welch, a little Irish), and a bit of French. It’s all there in both my family tree research and in my DNA. But one other thing shows up in my DNA: I consistently show a small (between 1-3%) amount of “Iberian” DNA. That would mean either Spain or Portugal. I was never aware of that…

Vallisoletum, 1574, by Braun and Hogenberg.

But doing my family tree research, I finally got back to it. You have to go back to the 16th century, but there it is… a 13th great grandfather and grandmother on my paternal side are Spanish, from Valladolid. How about that? Some of the Spanish names in my tree include de Alvarado, del Castillo, Gonzalez, and Vicente. Vicente was the name that got passed on for a while in my direct line, until a Vicente married a British woman, moved to the UK, and changed it to Vincent! The Vincent name gets me all the way to a 9th great grandmother. No wonder I never realized the Spanish heritage was there!

I find this discovery strangely delightful.

I don’t even know what to say

What do I even blog about? I must say that, by and large, we are all under-reacting to the horrors in the United States right now under the tRUMP Administration. Do people see it? Do they get it? I know the folks who voted for Harris get it… but what about the rest? Do they have voters remorse, or do they actually think this horror show is okay? We are facing the possible end of democracy. We are certainly facing the end of the USA as we have known it. It looks, smells, and sounds like fascism. If people still can’t see it, I’m not even sure what to say.

Snowmageddon?

It looks like there’s going to be a snowstorm in these parts starting Saturday night and going into Sunday morning. It’s hard to tell how many inches it will be, or if it will be a “wintry mix”. Before Covid and the beginning of “Zoom worship” as a thing, you’d wait until Sunday morning to see what actually happened. But now, with the possibility of Zoom worship, you want to make the call during the day Saturday so that the worship leaders can make the shifts they need to to have worship online-only. So the lay leaders and I will make the call tomorrow (Saturday) morning based on weather forecasts rather than the actual weather reality of Sunday.

The problem is, I find that weather forecasts try to make the storm sound as exciting as possible — like a snowmageddon or snowpocalypse is upon us. It’s better for ratings. So it’s hard not to be skeptical.

My gut feeling is that it won’t be that much snow, but the timing is terrible. We shall see.